Kings of Convenience – Declaration of Dependence

November 30, 2009

Um. Okay. This is one of two reviews I wrote for an online magazine, which for some reason I never bothered investigating, never got published. Probably because my no-nonsense, all truth, all the time writing style was too close to the bone for them, maaan. What squares. So instead, I shall publish it here. Read on!

Around 5am on Comedy Central (née Paramount Comedy), they sometimes show “comedy” “shorts”. Most of these are as awful as you’d expect, usually amounting to nothing more than Gina Yashere miraculously managing to be less funny in a sketch than in her awful stand-up. One set of sketches, however, always manages to keep me amused: “Bridge Over Memory Lane with Simon & Garfunkel”. It’s not that it has any particularly funny lines, but it’s fantastic at conveying the passive-aggressive hatred that stews between Paul and Art. And passive-aggressive hatred is always funny – just ask my family!

Read the rest of this entry »


Radio Bile: “Korg don’t make those kinds of organs.”

November 30, 2009

I don’t mean to complain, or make excuses for the complete lack of posts here, but seriously: I did not expect to get this many hours in my job. Admittedly, it’s hardly the hardest job in the world – I’m putting kids’ clothes on hangers, and hangers on rails, but still, you’re lucky to even get this Radio Bile out of me.

They say “familiarity breeds contempt”, but the more I hear that phrase, the more I dislike it. And not just because I’m a pathetic, desperate contrarian idiot – the phrase is wrong.

Wrong.

Familiarity doesn’t breed contempt. It breeds comfort, warmth, and eventually nostalgia. New things are awful, and potentially dangerous, and sometimes have questionable odours. Shun new things. Avoid them. Instead, you should wrap yourself in the comfortable blanket of the safe and familiar, and softly hum yourself into a dreamless sleep every night for the rest of your life.

And that’s your lot, until I find the time and energy to write about Mass Effect, Shadow of the Colossus, and whatever else I’ve forgotten to write about.


Radio Bile: “Let’s cut to the chase: I made a crap band cry.”

November 24, 2009

Sweethead – “Sweethead”

November 21, 2009

Radio Bile: “Unendingly, gruesomely stupid, like a lobotomised, shaved badger”

November 15, 2009

Ham Sandwich – Whelan’s, Dublin (7/11/09)

November 8, 2009

Radio Bile: “The EMAs should have gone bigger. Better. Bummier.”

November 8, 2009

Bon Jovi: The Circle

November 6, 2009

Radio Bile: “Some Ridiculously Ill-Formed Notion of Thought Policing”

November 2, 2009

Wordythinks: Episode 3 – Musical Musings

October 31, 2009

The most mind-blowingly awesome banner I've ever created, right? RIGHT?

Another podcast for you, my luvverlies. This time, myself and the goodly David “Coyote Trax” Kirk eschew the fabulous, mystical lands of the webcomics, foregoing the opportunity to capitalise on his new WordPress website, and instead focus our steely gazes on the dripping, soggy carcass of the music biz. Under our critical eye this time:

It’s a circuitous, depressing listen, certainly. Anyway, take a gander at the RSS feed, the iTunes feed, or the straight MP3 feed, and feast on it to your heart’s content. And please do tell your family and friends how excellent and informative the podcast was, even if you’re lying.